How to handle best man speech nerves

First, the room wants you to do well

A wedding audience is the friendliest crowd you'll ever face. They know the groom, they're in a good mood, and nobody is hoping you fail. Most guests are simply relieved it isn't them up there.

In the weeks before

• Finish the speech early. Nerves feed on a speech that isn't finished. Aim to have a final version a week or two before the day.
• Practise out loud, not in your head. Reading silently doesn't train your mouth. Say it out loud, standing up, at least five times.
• Do one run in front of someone. A partner, a friend on a video call, anyone. It's the closest thing to the real room.
• Time it. Knowing it runs to four minutes takes away a lot of the fear. See how long a best man speech should be.
• Learn the first and last lines by heart. The start is when nerves peak and the end is what people remember. You can read the middle.

Cue cards beat a phone

Cards don't light up, lock or show notifications. Write short prompts in large print, number the cards, and punch a hole in the corner with a ring through it if you're worried about dropping them. Write the opening and the toast out in full.

On the day

• Eat something. Speaking on an empty stomach makes shaky hands worse.
• Keep to water before your speech. Alcohol doesn't make a speech better, and it makes timing and words harder. Save the celebrating for afterwards.
• Find your spot. Check where you'll stand, whether there's a microphone, and where the couple will be sitting.
• Breathe out slowly. Just before you stand, breathe out for longer than you breathe in, a few times. It helps settle a racing heart.
• Have water within reach. A sip is also a natural pause.

While you're speaking

• Slow down. Nerves make everyone fast. Aim for what feels a little too slow.
• Pause for laughs. Wait for the room to settle before your next line.
• Look at friendly faces. Pick three people you know in different parts of the room and talk to them.
• Hold the cards, not the table. It keeps your hands busy and your head up.

If something goes wrong

• You lose your place. Stop, look at your card, take a breath. A pause feels long to you and normal to everyone else.
• A joke doesn't land. Keep going. Nobody minds, and a quick "tough crowd" can turn it into a laugh.
• You get emotional. Pause, smile, take a sip of water. A best man welling up is one of the most-loved moments of any wedding.
• The microphone plays up. Speak up, keep going, and let the venue staff sort it out.

When nerves are more than nerves

If speaking in public causes you serious anxiety, talk to your GP or doctor well before the day. It's also fine to ask the groom whether a shorter speech, a joint speech with someone else, or a toast instead would suit everyone better. Our guide to a short best man speech can help.