How to write a best man speech, step by step

Step 1: start early

A speech written the night before usually sounds like it. Start collecting ideas as soon as you are asked. Ideally, have a full draft two to four weeks before the wedding and use the rest of the time for cutting and rehearsing. Short on time? Pick one story, write the five parts, cut to time and rehearse it aloud three times. That can be done over a weekend. Speaking a speech out loud a few times does more for your nerves than any last-minute rewrite.

Step 2: collect material

Do not try to write sentences yet. Just gather raw notes:

• Ten memories with the groom, from any point in your friendship.
• Three words that describe him, and a moment that proves each one.
• How he changed after meeting his partner, and anything you have noticed about them together.
• Stories from other people. Ask his family, old friends and colleagues for one memory each. The stag do is a good time to ask, as long as you write the answers down.

Step 3: choose your main story

Look through your notes and pick the one memory that best shows who he is. The right story usually ticks these boxes:

• It shows a real trait: loyal, stubborn, generous, chaotic but kind.
• Guests who were not there can follow it with one sentence of background.
• He would laugh at it too, in front of his gran.
• It does not involve exes, illegal acts or anything his partner would hate to hear.

You might use one or two shorter memories as well, but one strong story is the backbone.

Step 4: build the structure

1. Opening. One line to get attention, then your name and how you know him. Our opening lines guide has examples.
2. The story. Set the scene, tell it in a few beats, and land the funny or touching part.
3. The point. One or two lines on what the story says about him. This is what turns an anecdote into a speech.
4. The couple. Turn to his partner by name. Say what you have seen change, or what makes them good together.
5. The toast. Ask everyone to stand or raise a glass, and toast the couple by name. See how to give a best man toast.

Step 5: write the full draft

Write it out in full, in your own voice, even if you plan to speak from cards. Writing in full forces you to work out the order and the exact wording of the important lines: the opening, the punchline of the story and the toast.

Tips for the draft:

• Use short sentences. They are easier to say and easier for the room to follow.
• Give each story one clear moment, then move on.
• Read every line out loud. If it sounds like an essay, rewrite it the way you would say it.

Step 6: cut it to time

Most first drafts are too long. Start from the slot the couple have given you. If they have not set one, three to five minutes is a common example, roughly 400 to 650 words at about 130 words a minute. Cut extra stories, long thank you lists and anything that needs a lot of explaining. Our guide on how long a best man speech should be has a word count table and a cutting order.

Step 7: check the humour

Go through every joke and ask: would the groom, his partner and both families be comfortable hearing this? If not, cut it or soften it. Our guide to safe best man speech jokes has a quick test.

It also helps to read the draft to one person you trust who knows the families, ideally not the groom. They will spot anything that might cause trouble.

Step 8: choose cue cards or a full script

Some speakers like cue cards, others prefer a full script in large print. Either works if you have rehearsed enough to look up often. If you use cards, write the key lines on a few large cards:

• Your opening line, in full.
• Short prompts for each story beat, such as "shed / Lego / three walls".
• Any line where the exact wording matters, such as the punchline.
• The toast, in full, including both names.

Number the cards and use large, clear writing so you can glance down and find your place.

Step 9: rehearse out loud

• Practise standing up, holding the cards, at least five or six times over a couple of weeks.
• Time it on your phone. Add about 30 seconds for laughs and pauses.
• Practise the pauses: after a punchline, and before the toast.
• Do one run in front of a friend, so the first time you see faces is not the wedding.

Step 10: on the day

• Keep the cards in an inside pocket and check they are still there before the meal.
• Keep a glass of water within reach, and go easy on alcohol before you speak.
• Check where the microphone is and how it works.
• Look at the couple during the sincere part, and at the room during the jokes.

Want to see the structure in action? Read our best man speech examples.