How to write a best man speech for your brother

What makes a brother's speech different

When the best man is a brother, the room expects two things a friend can't offer: stories from the very beginning, and a sense of what this wedding means to the family. Lean into both. Nobody else in the room can say "I've known him his whole life" and mean it.

The trap is the same history. You have thirty years of material, half of it only funny to the two of you, and your mum, your gran and his new in-laws are all listening. Choose with them in mind.

A simple structure

1. Open with the relationship. Who you are and how long you've had him. One line is enough.
2. A childhood story, about a minute. Something that shows a trait he still has: stubborn, kind, competitive, always late. Avoid anything that would still embarrass him today.
3. An adult story, about a minute. The same trait, years later. Putting the two side by side is the easiest laugh in the speech and says something true at the same time.
4. His partner, about a minute. When you first noticed it was serious, what changed in him, and a proper welcome into the family.
5. The toast. Both names, glasses up.

Our step-by-step speech guide goes deeper on each part.

Choosing the stories

Ask yourself three questions about every story:

• Would our parents laugh, or wince? If they'd wince, cut it.
• Does it need explaining? If you have to set up the layout of your old house or who a neighbour was, it will drag.
• Does it say something good about him underneath? The best brother stories are teasing on top and affectionate underneath.

Good sources: the family holiday that went wrong, the thing he always did at Christmas, the first car, the time he looked after you when he didn't have to.

Example lines to adapt

These are starting points. Swap in your own details.

• "For those who don't know me, I'm his brother. I've been his best man in training since the day Mum brought me home and he asked if they could take me back."
• "When he was eight he spent a whole summer building a go-kart that never once moved. Last month I watched him spend a whole weekend building a wardrobe. It's standing. Progress."
• "Growing up, he was the one who checked the doors were locked and the oven was off. Some people call that boring. I'd call it the person you want next to you for the next sixty years."
• "I knew this was serious when he started asking me about things he'd never once asked about, like cushions."
• "Our family has always been loud, a bit chaotic and very fond of each other. [Partner's name], you fit right in, and we're lucky to have you."

Handling family in the room

• Parents. A short, warm line about them is welcome. If a parent has died, a brief, gentle mention can mean a lot, but ask your brother first and keep it to a sentence or two.
• Other siblings. If there are several of you, a quick nod stops anyone feeling left out.
• The other family. Some guests will only know your brother as an adult. Make sure every story makes sense to them.

If you're the younger brother, or the older one

A younger brother can play the "he was my hero, and also the reason I needed stitches" angle. An older brother can tease gently about the little kid who followed him everywhere, then show how proud he is. Either way, end on pride rather than a punchline.

Common mistakes

• Stories from the stag do. Leave them there.
• Exes. Never.
• Saying "you had to be there". If they had to be there, it isn't for this speech.
• Forgetting the partner. A brother's speech can easily become a tribute act. Save a full minute for the couple.