Best man duties checklist: before, during and after the wedding

Use this checklist as a starting point. Tick off what applies, cross out what the couple are handling themselves, and add anything specific to your wedding.

As soon as you are asked

• Say yes properly, and ask the groom what he actually wants from you.
• Agree which jobs are yours, which belong to the ushers or groomsmen, and which the couple are keeping.
• Get the key dates: wedding, stag do window, suit fittings, rehearsal if there is one.
• Get contact details for the other groomsmen, ushers and the maid of honour or chief bridesmaid.
• Start a note on your phone for speech ideas. Add to it whenever a memory comes up.

Three to six months before

• Stag do or bachelor party: agree the style, budget per person, date and guest list with the groom.
• Send the stag group the plan and a deadline for deposits. Keep a clear record of who has paid what.
• Book travel, accommodation and any activities once deposits are in.
• Help the groom choose suits or tuxes, and agree what the groomsmen will wear.
• Make sure every groomsman knows his measurements deadline.

For stag do ideas once everyone is together, see our guide to stag do and bachelor party games.

One to two months before

• Run the stag do, ideally several weeks before the wedding, not the weekend before.
• Collect stories for the speech from the stag group and family.
• Write a full draft of your speech. See how to write a best man speech.
• Confirm suit fittings and collection dates.
• Ask the couple about the running order on the day, and what they want you to do during the ceremony and reception.
• Agree a groomsmen gift for the groom, if the group is doing one.

The week of the wedding

• Collect suits or tuxes, and check every item fits, including shoes, ties and cufflinks.
• Confirm transport to the ceremony and between venues.
• Agree who holds the rings and when they are handed to you.
• Rehearse the speech out loud, with a timer, several times.
• Write your cue cards and put them somewhere you cannot forget them.
• Send the groomsmen a short message with timings, addresses and who is doing what.
• Check the couple's honeymoon travel plans, in case you are helping with luggage or lifts.

The night before

• Keep the groom calm and get him to bed at a sensible time.
• Lay out both your outfits, the rings and the cue cards.
• Charge your phone and set two alarms.
• Pack a small kit: cash, tissues, plasters, phone charger, safety pins, mints. Medication stays personal: carry your own, and leave other people to bring theirs.

On the wedding day

• Get the groom up, fed and dressed, and to the venue in good time.
• Make sure the groomsmen and ushers know their jobs, such as handing out orders of service and seating guests.
• If you are holding the rings, keep them safe until the officiant asks for them.
• Stand where the couple and officiant have asked, usually beside the groom.
• Take anything outside what you agreed to handle, such as supplier changes or payments, to the couple or their coordinator rather than deciding it yourself.
• If the couple have asked you to be a witness, sign the document the officiant gives you: the marriage schedule in England, Wales and Scotland, or the marriage licence in the US.
• Help the photographer round up people for group photos.
• Give your speech and toast.
• Deal with small problems quietly so they never reach the couple.

For an hour by hour view, see what the best man does on the wedding day.

After the wedding

• Return hired suits or tuxes on time, collecting them from the groomsmen if needed.
• Make sure gifts and cards from the reception get to a safe place.
• Settle any shared stag do costs and send everyone a final summary of who paid what.
• Help with luggage or a lift to the airport if the couple are leaving straight away.
• Send the couple a message a few days later. It will mean more than you think.

UK and US differences

• Stag do or bachelor party: the same job under different names. In Australia and New Zealand it is a bucks party.
• Ushers or groomsmen: in the UK, ushers traditionally seat guests while the best man stays with the groom. In the US, groomsmen often do both.
• Witness duties: in England and Wales, two witnesses sign the marriage schedule (or, for some religious ceremonies, a marriage document) at the ceremony. Paper register books were replaced by this system in May 2021. In Scotland, two witnesses aged 16 or over sign the Marriage Schedule straight after the ceremony. In Northern Ireland, ask the registrar or officiant what is needed. The best man is a common choice of witness, but only if the couple ask. In the US, rules on witnesses and who signs the marriage licence vary by state, so ask the couple or the officiant.
• Suits or tuxes: UK weddings often involve suit hire, US weddings tux rental. Both need returning.